Laundry & Ephesians 5
What you thought was a set of household rules is actually a radical call for sacrifical love
Sometimes the Bible is treated like a spiritual vending machine: pick a topic, punch in a few verses, and voilà - your custom manual!
But that’s not how Scripture works and it’s definitely not how we’re meant to approach it. There are verses and passages that truly can transcend time, language, culture, and circumstance but only if context comes along for the ride.
Too often, contemporary Christian engagement risks reducing the Bible to a topical reference guide. Yet this reductionist approach flattens the text and distorts its meaning, especially when context is neglected.
A prime example of this is Ephesians 5, which is frequently read as a prescriptive manual for marriage…. Normally the phrase that is overly emphasized is “Wives, submit to your husbands” (Eph. 5:22). However, isolating this verse from its literary and theological context obscures the transformative vision Paul is casting for the church.
The number of times I’ve heard Christians say that wives are commanded to submit to their husbands is honestly astonishing…and a little concerning…
At the heart of Ephesians 5 lies not a set of household rules, but a radical, Spirit-shaped ethic of mutuality and self-giving love. The interpretive key is found not in verse 22, but earlier—in verses 18–21, where Paul urges the community:
“Do not get drunk with wine, which leads to debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your hearts, giving thanks always... and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:18–21)
This final clause “submitting to one another” sets the theological tone for everything that follows.
Significantly, in the Greek, verse 22 lacks an independent verb; it grammatically borrows “submit” (ὑποτασσόμενοι) from verse 21. This reveals that the whole passage is a continuation of what it means to live in Spirit-filled mutual submission.
To be abundantly clear the word “submit” (ὑποτασσόμενοι) is not in verse 22, because Paul wasn’t finished with his point.
If your Bible translation (like the ESV, NLT, or CSB) places a break between verses 21 and 22, it's important to know that was an editorial decision by the translation and publishing teams—not a direct reflection of the Greek text. To be fair, there's no perfect way to mirror the Greek structure in English. I don’t believe this was an intentional effort to mislead readers or redirect Paul’s meaning. However, if we aren’t paying attention to the flow of the whole chapter—and instead only read sections pre-divided for us by formatting—we're likely to misunderstand the passage. We might end up thinking it's simply about wives being subservient and husbands being sacrificial, missing the deeper vision for the Church Paul is actually casting.
Now, before you swipe away from this article... I know some complementarians are starting to feel uneasy... Hear me out: I’m genuinely not here to debunk your household codes or church staffing structures. I am not even trying to tell you this passage cannot apply to your marriage. I’m simply trying to place the emphasis where I truly believe Paul was. Far from being a hierarchical blueprint, the passage unfolds as an illustration of what mutual submission looks like — within marriage, yes, — but ultimately within the whole church. n
When I read this passage without inserting a break between verses 21 and 22, I see Paul explaining how the church should mutually submit, nourish, cherish, and sacrifice for one another—just as Christ does for us.
As the passage moves forward, the language Paul uses to describe the kind of Christ love he wants the church to exemplify is surprisingly domestic.
In Ephesians 5:26, Christ makes the church holy “by washing her with a bath of water with the word” (CEB). The Greek phrase—loutron tou hydatos en rhēmati—evokes a literal washing. In the Greco-Roman world, such duties were associated with women and servants. Yet here, Christ—the exalted one—is portrayed as the one who washes, cleanses, nourishes, and cherishes.
Paul deepens the imagery in verse 27, describing Christ’s goal as “to present the church to himself in splendor, without a stain or wrinkle or anything of the kind.”This isn’t just abstract theology—he’s talking about laundry. Scrubbing. Ironing. Folding. In the ancient household, these were considered lowly tasks, and yet Paul dares to describe Jesus—God incarnate, the Savior of the world—as the one who lovingly washes and prepares.
Again, this is no distant, domineering authority figure. This is Christ bending low in love, embodying care that transforms.If you’ve ever read the Gospels, you know Paul is accurately describing Jesus.
This theme continues in verse 29:
“No one ever hates his own body, but nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does the church.”
The Greek verbs here—ektrephei (nourish) and thalpei (cherish)—draw on maternal and caregiving language. Ektrepheiimplies feeding or raising a child. Thalpei can mean to keep warm or nurture gently.
These are not words of dominance but of intimate, embodied care—the kind of care a mother or caregiver would provide, with tenderness and attention.
In a culture shaped by rigid patriarchy, this depiction of leadership would have been shocking. The Roman paterfamilias (male head of household) wielded absolute authority—he certainly didn’t wash feet or tend to the vulnerable. Yet Paul redefines “headship” not as command and control, but as a profound descent into service.
And yes, this would have challenged many men of Paul’s time—and still challenges many today.
No matter how uncomfortable this makes you feel, Paul’s description is clear: Christ’s headship is not domineering, but nurturing. Not authoritarian, but self-emptying. And this is precisely the Christ the whole church is called to imitate.
The vision is bigger than marriage. It’s about the entire church living under the transforming love of Christ. When we read Ephesians 5 not as a static manual but as a dynamic theological invitation, its revolutionary power comes alive. Whether your household follows traditional roles or a more egalitarian pattern, the deeper call remains the same: mutual submission, sacrificial love, gratitude, and Spirit-empowered dignity must characterize every relationship.
Where there is true submission to Christ, there will be no room for fear, coercion, or inequality—only love that lifts, honors, and empowers. The Spirit-filled life Paul describes is not an excuse for dominance, coercion, or the erosion of personhood—especially not for women. Any model of leadership or care that diminishes another’s agency or dignity departs from the example of Christ. No one—man, woman, or child—is called to tolerate harm under the banner of "biblical roles." Instead, we are called into communities where each person’s flourishing, voice, and well-being are actively pursued in the Spirit of Christ.
Christ’s love is nurturing, self-giving, and deeply honoring. So too should be our life together.
I have had the absolute honor of being able to study Biblical Greek with Biblingo which is what helped me create this article. You can use code: SCARLETT10 for a discount when you sign up!